Recently, I conducted a Leadership Development Training Course for a number of women that were attending a Women’s Leadership Retreat here in Atlanta. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that my all-encompassing quest is to educate women on the importance of setting significant boundaries in their lives.
As I reflect on the time I spent with this powerful group of women, I am more assured than ever of what God has called me here to do. No matter our age, ethnicity or social-economic position, we all yearn to be valued.
So many women want to live a life of significance and desire so much more, but the hindrances that keep us from moving in that direction are too many times based on the boundaries we refuse to set and communicate out of fear, and the majority of this fear stems from the threat of loss;
loss of relationships, loss of support and loss of self
If I could take each of these women by the hand and personally walk them through the process of setting each boundary that would take them to their place of destiny, I would, but sadly, many of these steps have to be taken alone…courageously.
I can guide, but I cannot do it for them. It is up to them to reach out for the help that is offered to them and to take the first steps in communicating their boundaries.
What each of these young women, and each of you have to realize is that when you know that a boundary needs to be put in place, the first boundary set is the hardest one.
This is when your courage is most important. As I shared with these women, I will share with you
Three Steps to your first BOLD Boundary:
1. Identify one boundary that needs to be set in your life now.
– Is it getting the kids to bed on time?
– Is it letting someone know that you are not willing to do something they are expecting you to do?
–Is it informing someone that you will no longer accept a particular behavior?
While these situations vary in their complexity, they still serve as a launching pad for setting that very important boundary.
2. Offer a choice.
This allows the individual you are setting the boundary with to own the outcome based on their decision.
If someone is speaking to you over the phone in a tone that is unacceptable to you and you are beginning to feel anxious and uncomfortable, you can let them know that they have a choice. Either they can refrain from the negative tone, or you will hang up the phone. This way they are responsible for the result, not you.
3. Remove the element of defensiveness.
You do this by re-framing your words to express how their actions make you feel and removing the word “you”.
Instead of stating, “I don’t like the way you are speaking to me.” Refrain your statement by saying, “I am offended by how this conversation is going” or “I am uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation” – then offer the choice.
The people in your life that love you will respect and honor your boundaries.
Those that do not are worthy of reflection as to their place of importance in your life.
If this effort to establish that all important boundary still paralyzes you from setting it,
consider journaling the conversation through dialogical journaling. This gives you an opportunity to rehearse the conversation in writing while gaining the other person’s possible response. Does that mean that their response won’t be harsh? No it doesn’t. It just means that you will be better prepared for it.
The bottom line is that you are a JEWEL…
you are more valuable than you realize and you playing small, by allowing others to keep you from walking in your destiny only minimizes your
impact on this world and if you allow that to happen, you have no one to blame but yourself!
You have everything you need to fulfill your purpose already placed inside of you.
It’s up to you to ensure that nothing or no one stands in the way of you doing what you were placed here to do.
So what are you waiting for?
Get out there and set those boundaries.
The first one is the most important.
If you or someone you know could benefit from learning how to set boundaries,
Let’s schedule a complimentary 45 minute chat
I would love to share more insights.
Complete the form below in order to receive more information on how I can help you with tools that will help you to begin setting your boundaries.
Pamela Byrd is a Staunch Advocate for Women and their God-given potential. She focuses on partnering with professional women who are adamant about learning how to set boundaries in their lives, in order to live it more abundantly.
She has an unwavering commitment to assisting women in their quest toward achieving something more. She has a discernible gift for helping others to uncover their value allowing them to move toward achieving their life’s goals.