Becoming A Man…In Spite Of

20130421_195711ONCE UPON A TIME, a baby boy was born.  The apple of his mother’s  eye. 

He was beautiful, strong, loving and independent.  He amazed her everyday with these qualities.  As he grew older, he was admired by his mother for his sense of humor, his charming personality and most of all his intelligence.

He had everything in the world going for him; looks, brains and a personality to die for.  This little boy had everything…

Except a father.


Please don’t misunderstand; he was not a test tube baby, nor the result of an immaculate conception.  He had two parents, a mother and a father.  But as what happens to many young couples, they married for the wrong reasons and divorced.


Even though his mother remarried when her son was eight years old, the son and stepfather were never able to build a relationship.

Unfortunately, his father did not understand how important his role was in his relationship with his son; therefore, he was not there for him.

Eventually, this little boy came to a point in his life where he so desperately needed a father, but there was no one available to fill those shoes.  This little boy was growing into a young man who became angry and resentful.  He began to blame everyone else for everything that went wrong in his life.  He became withdrawn.

His mother was at a loss.  She adored her son and could only help him so much.  While she gave him all that she could, she couldn’t give him the one thing he truly needed – a father.  No matter how hard she tried, she could not be that for him.  Even though she tried to give him a substitute for his father, she could not make the relationship between her son and her new husband work.  It was up to them.  In the meantime, this young man began to hide his pain by hiding his feelings; believing that acknowledging his pain would only illuminate the pain he was feeling inside.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The unfortunate truth about this practice is that you can’t hide from your feelings.

They are a part of you and no matter how much you try to suppress them they eventually manifest themselves in one way or another.   In this case, these hurt feeling came out in anger.  Uncontrollable anger that was fueled by uncontrollable pain welling up inside of him.

He began to act out, unleashing his uncontrollable anger onto others. Being the extremely intelligent person that he was, he was well aware of the repercussions of his actions.  He just didn’t care.  He had lost his will.  He just didn’t care anymore.  He believed that no one cared about him (I guess his mother didn’t count), so why should he care?

holding handsNo matter what his mother did to get him the help he needed to get him through his pain, it wasn’t enough.  She wasn’t a man, or the father he so desperately needed at this time in his life.

But time was running out for his mother.  Her son, her baby was becoming a man.

An angry man.

A man who didn’t care.

This was a dangerous thing.  Why?  Because the prisons are overflowing with angry men who just don’t care, and they all got there through a chain of events that led them to their final destination.  These men are still blaming others for where they are in life, instead of making it “in spite of”.

 IN SPITE OF the fact that they didn’t have the father they so desperately needed

IN SPITE OF  the influences they did have in their lives

IN SPITE OF  the reality that you are  judged by what you do and the company you keep

IN SPITE OF the blame they have  placed on others for where they are in their lives.

This mother has been through an extraordinary amount of pain with her son.  She sees the path down which he is headed, but she can’t make him see it.  She is not a man.  But, she can’t let that stop her.  She must keep on trying.  She believes that when you’re working with a handicap, you’ve got to do the best with what you’ve got.  IF she had only one arm, she’d learn how to work with one.  She wouldn’t stop using the one she had left, simply because someone took away her other one.  She’d learn to excel with the one she had.  IF she only had one eye, she’d learn to see twice as good with one eye, as anyone else would with two.

Many times people who are blind have an extraordinary sense of smell to compensate for their loss of sight.  IF they did not build on the senses they do have, they could be in danger.

This is a lesson that his mother would like to teach her son.  Take stock of what you do have and make it work for you.  Try not to blame others for where you are in your life and what you do have and make it work.

Work towards being the best man you can be…. In Spite Of.

This little boy has grown into a man.  While this mother no longer has an influence on his life, her prayers continue to flow.  And while he is still learning how to become a man, in the midst of a past childhood void of a father, she prays and believes that one day, he will realize how loved he is and that he will come home,  realizing that the one person who loved him most, prayed his pathway home.



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