I’m going to be perfectly honest with you…The decision to set boundaries is a good one as long as it doesn’t require you to change the way you are doing things now. Just because someone is pushing your buttons doesn’t mean there’s anything you need to change.
In order to set boundaries, you must first be clear on the areas where boundaries are lacking. You may be praying ,
“God, please take me out of this misery!”
“Prevent this person from doing these things to me and making me feel this way!”
“Lord, make them go away!”
Many times, we know that there is a boundary we need to set, but we’re too afraid of what will happen when we do, so we settle for what “painfully is” instead of what “could be”.
If just the thought of a person causes you to go into an emotional frenzy conjuring up feelings of anger, resentment, animosity or bitterness, this is the ideal time to set a boundary with them. This could be someone on your job, your church, your business team, your neighbor, or maybe even a family member.
As I interview women on their unwillingness to set healthy boundaries, the one that comes up the most is their fear of setting them with family members, including their significant other. Of course it’s the most difficult, it’s the one that is closest to us.
NOTE: I am in no way insinuating that men do not struggle with setting healthy boundaries, but I have not gathered enough information from them to be able to identify these 4 reasons for them, so let’s stick to what I do know.
There are 4 Reasons Women Fail to Set Boundaries. Which one(s) resonate with you?
1) Fear of being alone
2) It’s too hard
3) They don’t believe they deserve better
4) Fear of hurting someone.
There is a prevailing false mindset that aids in preventing us
from setting proper boundaries.
That is the belief that we are setting these boundaries against someone when in actuality, we are setting them FOR someone.
Your unwillingness to set healthy boundaries, especially with those you love, creates an injustice that undermines and revokes their responsibility in working through their own pattern of dysfunction and move them on their own path toward healing.
The work of setting “healthy” boundaries is something I had to learn. Was it easy? Of course not! Given my tendency to be a “people pleaser”, it required a lot of internal work and a lot of prayer. These are the disciplines I created within myself in order to finally realize that I deserved better. Only then was I able to set the boundaries I needed with the people and circumstances in my life that were causing frustration that left me emotionally paralyzed.
Setting these boundaries doesn’t happen over night, but setting your first boundary is key. There is a way to do that without feeling a sense of guilt.
If the work of setting boundaries is something you are ready to do, let’s talk.
I would like to spend some time with you over the phone or Skype and begin to assess where you are so that you can develop a plan that will enable you to establish and communicate boundaries with those people or situations in life that are preventing you from moving forward.
IN the meantime, here is an Assessment that will help you to identify where you are with your ability to set healthy boundaries. I will share your results with you during our call.
Shoot me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a time for us to chat or click link below.